About Spandex Cinema

It's a website devoted to writing excessively long reviews about superhero- and comic derived films. The idea sprang from two main sources - Jabootu.com, my favourite bad movie review site, and CoH Warcry, where I started writing a semi-regular column and some movie reviews. Jabootu.com provided the inspiration while CoH Warcry provided the outlet.

After writing a few reviews, I ran into two problems: 1) I wanted to update my film reviews after submitting them, which was a slow process on CoH Warcry and 2) I wanted to start reviewing R-rated films and perhaps discuss some adult concepts. The last thing I wanted to do was get CoH Warcry in trouble for something I wrote, so I started the site you are currently looking at.

Having looked at the other bad movie / b-grade movie review sites out there, I saw no-one was exclusively looking at superhero / comic book films. Sure, there were a few isolated reviews in this area (especially of the "Captain America" and "Justice League of America" films) there was a niche that I thought I could fill. Is this hubris on my part? Madness? Only time will tell...

Comic book films are an absolute goldmine of potential. You can check out The List to see the range of movies that this site will aim to tackle at some point. Unlike bad movie / b-movie review sites, reviewing superhero / comic book films will see a wide range of quality covered - I can look forward to reviewing "Road to Perdition" (good) right after "Batman and Robin" (oh so bad), for example. It's nice to be able to have such respites.

I certainly won't be swearing or being graphically obscene, but given that the films I'm reviewing can quite easily stray into the R-rated category, I'd recommend that parents monitor what their child / children look at just in case (as you should already be doing since they are on the internet).

You can blame my love of Jabootu.com for that, given that I have shamelessly ripped off created a stylistic homage to that great site.

I generally write up what happens in the film, scene by scene, in the Overview section. This allows me to go deeper than the "this film sux!" style of reviewing to a point-by-point "this film sux because..." analysis. It also makes the review appear huge, but remember - it will probably be easier and shorter to read what I write than to actually watch the film in question. I am strong enough to suffer through "Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy" so that others do not have to!

If you don't want to wade through something so long, just skip down to the Comments and Rating sections.

In short: No. It would take ages to write up an entire television series, especially one that lasts several seasons.

However, I will review any pseudo-movies made from television shows / ongoing series, such as where several episodes are cut together on one DVD or have a movie-lenght pilot episode.

In some cases, yes. But given that the Japanese market turns pretty much every successful entity into a manga (or every successful manga into a film) at some point, I won't be trying to do every one I come across.

Mostly no. I'm thinking of movie franchises such as "Star Wars" / "Aliens" / "Buffy" (all from Dark Horse) or movies that release promotional material in comic book form in saying that. In my opinion, the comics link to these movies is kind of weak.

That said, I will be reviewing the two "Conan" films and "Alien Vs Predator" at some point, so this isn't an absolute rule. I'll decide on a case by case basis.

They are asides or comments about the movie I'm making. The square brackets are meant to indicate that what is written there isn't happening in the film, but likely stem from my observations about what is going on.

Two ratings are given (the Funktastic Rating is discussed below), both on a zero to five scale with zero being the lowest and five being the highest. A film with a Rating of less than three stars is unlikely to be quality viewing, while three star films are likely to have significant problems also but just make the grade.

You can see the Glossary for the short explanation, but the longer explanation is below and was originally in a column I wrote for CoH Warcry.

The Funktastic Rating is something different. It's taken from a character in the film Bulletproof Monk (which will be the first film to be reviewed) and represents how many things in a comic book film just don't quite work. As an explanation (of sorts):

Mista Funktastic is a gang boss in Bulletproof Monk. In a comic book world, full of Doctor Dooms, Green Lanterns and even Stiltmans, the name Funktastic probably isn't going to raise any eyebrows but won't get any laughs either. However, switch that to a real-world setting - anyone calling themselves Mista Funktastic is just begging to be mocked. You could be the most dangerous man in the world, but every time you introduce yourself someone is going to snicker.

This is a problem with a lot of superhero films. There are moments where you can see something the writer / director thought, "Hey, it would be cool if..." and then put in something that just doesn't work. It doesn't have to necessarily work in the real world - if the film is strong enough its internal world will cover such things - but too often a movie will go for something like gritty and only end up silly.

That's what the Funktastic Rating measures - the bits in superhero / comic movies that didn't work. It also works on a scale of zero to five, with a zero rating indicating a film that is fairly realistic (or at least consistent) while a five rating means a movie is packed full of unintentional moments that make you groan / roll your eyes / laugh out loud.

There is in Australia (which is where I live) - 'M' is recommended for mature audiences, while 'MA' is recommended for mature audiences and you have to over 15 (or with a guardian) to get in. They fit in between the 'PG' and 'R' ratings used by the United States.

If you want to know the US rating for a film, please look it up on at IMDb.

At the moment I have a very limited ability to create screen caps (ie screen captures or stills of the screen) for this site. Once I have improved this ability, I'll try to add a few in.

When I get around to it. Since I have to watch a movie at least twice (once just to watch, the second time to write down what happens) reviewing a film can take a while to complete. I'm aim to review one film a month, but there are no guarantees.

Sure - I'll at least consider any reviews I receive. But they must fit the theme of the site and have a format that makes sense. The review must have a bit of meat to it (no two line wonders thanks) and also be legible, punctuated and spell-checked.

I go by the nic of UnSub (short for Unknown Subject) and I live in Western Australia, Australia.

Because that's what I thought of it. We obviously disagree about what qualities the film holds. That's okay - you are entitled to your own opinion, as am I. Writing me angry emails isn't going to change that opinion or the review.