Bibleman: Jesus Our Saviour

Review by Heckler King

Bibleman faces his greatest challenge yet, and so do I as I review the director’s cut of "Jesus Our Savior". Against his most evil foe, Bibleman faces the possibility of shutting down his operation forever… but only because he totally forgets about the concept of “teamwork”.

Miles Peterson aka Bibleman (Willie Aames)
Cypher (Brady Williams)
Biblegirl (Heather McSmith)
Primordius Drool (Jef Scott)
Sammy Davey (Jef Scott)
UNICE (Maylo McCaslin)
LUCI (Maylo McCaslin)

Year:
Censorship Rating:

Company line for the Bibleman Legacy Set, from which this review was written: Strengthened by the Whole Armor of God [HK: He always says “Full Armor of God…”], Bibleman (Willie Aames, “Eight is Enough,” “Charles in Charge” [HK: I don’t know about you, but that’s all I need to see on a video box]) battles the powers of darkness [HK: well, goofy losers who like to wear greasepaint] with his laser Sword of the Spirit in his hand and faithful cohorts Biblegirl and Cypher at his side [HK: I don’t think I’m alone with thinking “cohort” conjures up a negative mental image]. Packed full of explosive [HK: “snail’s pace”] action, vile villains [HK “non-threatening doofi in make up”], catchy [HK: “incline you to clean your ears with a rusty icepick”] songs, cheeky [HK: “cringe-inducing”] humor and, of course, scripture, Bibleman is eye popping [HK: What??] entertainment for the whole family. This exclusive 3 disc collector’s set brings you the best of Bibleman in one deluxe DVD box set featuring over FOUR HOURS [HK: Isn’t that just precious how they make that sound like a good thing?] of exciting, family entertainment. Loaded with DVD exclusives and extras, Bibleman Legacy is a must have for Bibleman fans and the perfect introduction to a hero worth following [HK: If by that you mean a hypocrite who acts against his own lessons all the time, here especially, I quite agree].

A barrage of text orders me to “Put on the Full Armor of God!” “Psalm 28 says the Lord is my rock, and my shield, and my heart trusts him!” Bibleman shouts at some villain. A Psalm says your heart trusts God? That doesn’t sound right. I am then instructed to “Take… Your… Stand!” Before “Bibleman” materializes on my screen. Then the menu screen appears, and because I’m not all right in the head, I select, “Play Show.” Once again the Pamplin Entertainment logo glides onto my screen. Ah, Pamplin Entertainment. Moralistic entertainment for me and my kids. Or not. Then Jef Scott yells at us, “This is the story of Miles Peterson!” but you’ve already heard it, so I can skip it.

This episode marked the end of an era for the Bibleman series, but here’s the short version: Previously on Bibleman, our heroes had tracked the nefarious Luxor Spawndroth to his lair in the city’s sewers and defeated him. Having used up all of his extra lives, or perhaps the actor had just decided he’d had enough of playing the character, Luxor went down for the count. I wish they’d give us a contextual explanation for why Luxor’s death last time actually lasted, though, as the climax of an episode would usually see him disintegrated/melted/blown to smithereens, even if it didn’t make any sense, but back bad as new in the next one. They could’ve said he’d made a pact with the eternal evil and run out of second chances, as you’d think Bibleman would be the one kids’ show that wouldn’t be afraid of involving the Devil in things, but instead Luxor’s just gone and we’re meant to leave it at that. Which inclines me to think they were more interested in how much scripture and stupid jokes they could pack into each episode than they were with trying to create a plot or characterization or even a sense of coherence. Kids don’t need story, right?

A door opens at the villain pad and a figure in a suit that looks like something Bozo the Clown would wear to a business meeting traipses in. He talks to himself about how now that Luxor is out of the picture (he implies Luxor’s gone to hell), it’s his show now. If this place has been deserted since Luxor’s demise, you have to wonder who placed and lit fresh candles. He walks over to a computer console and taps a few random keys. At the end of the last episode Biblegirl had flushed LUCI’s system or something, putting the computer out of business. I get the feeling they were originally planning to go for an all-new villain hideout and everything with Luxor gone, but purse strings proved too tight when it came time to make another episode. The new villain unflushes LUCI, or something, and she starts berating him, thinking he’s her incompetent former boss. When she realizes he’s her incompetent new boss, she asks if Luxor’s really gone for good (and since it’s LUCI, she has to leave no room for doubt). The new villain replies this is so. LUCI starts to kowtow to this new menace, who introduces himself as, “Primordius Drool, intergalactic desperado of destruction, and despot of evil” (Jef Scott, making his debut in front of the camera). My viewing partners pointed out to me that if Drool were really a “despot of evil,” then he would oppress evil.

She advises him he might want to shorten his name, as this is just a forty minute show. I’m almost surprised he doesn’t reply, “No it isn’t, this is the director’s cut” in a further self-referencing joke the like of which we’ll being seeing a lot of during the course of this feature. Because unless I haven’t mentioned that already, it is. Oh boy, I’m not so sure I’m ready for this.

Drool gloats about how he’ll destroy Bibleman, and snuffs out a candle for emphasis. He then picks up one of those children’s tape recorder with a microphone toys and starts singing, “Start spreading the ooze…” Oh boy, I’m even less sure I’m ready for this. Drool then starts doing a faux Frank Sinatra bit, which I’m sure all of the six year olds this show was meant for got. That’s the problem with pretty much all of the comedic references in Bibleman, come to think of it. How many six year old kids do you know who would know about Frank Sinatra, "Cagney and Lacey" and "Eight is Enough" and get jokes about them? How out of touch with your audience can you be? I suppose I could be generous and assume those references are for the parents, but they’re so juvenile that’s being VERY generous.

We see some footage of Bibleman in his purple suit riding a motorcycle, because I guess it looks cool, and because this will be the last chance they’ll ever have to show it. “Eaglegate Manor, Weeks Later” reads a caption. What, did Drool have to hibernate before mounting his campaign of terror? This caption also provides the answer to a joke the caption that established the evil lair posed, which I had totally forgotten about over the course of that scene. Another masterstroke.

Miles is refining a new alloy for a new suit of Full Armor of God, which replaces the purple suit he’d previously worn with the nifty silver one he wears now. I wondered, why does just Miles get a brand new suit of better armor? As of the latest episode, "A Fight For Faith", Biblegirl and Cypher are still wearing the same armor they always have, whereas Bibleman has gone through four different suits, each presumably stronger than the last, during his run. Is it because he’s the star, and so he gets all the coolest stuff? Probably. And he’s refining the metal for a new suit of armor even though, as we’ll see in a few minutes, the armor has already been fabricated and fitted. Huh?

Cypher and UNICE toss some words around about how their contributions to the new armor, UNICE saying she did all the work while Cypher composed new music to play when Bibleman armors up. Oh brother, they know about the music playing. Do they really think having the characters know that they’re in a TV show is funny? Because it’s not.

“We have bigger things to worry about,” Miles breaks it up. You do? What? “And 1st Peter 4 says be of sound judgment and sober spirit.” “What are you talking about?” Cypher asks, and for once, I agree, but he goes on to add, “We haven’t had a call in weeks.” What are those bigger things you need to worry about if evil is at a low ebb, Miles?

Guess we’ll never know, because Biblegirl, the female identification figure introduced a few episodes back [UnSub: in "Bibleman: Breaking the Bonds of Disobedience"], picks this moment to enter the Biblecave, having just returned from her vacation. She remarks that she feels like a completely different person. This is a joke, sort of, as Heather Hazelwood replaces Tracy Henao as the actress playing Biblegirl as of this episode. I would have called her Lia, her real name, but since I realized that they don’t either anymore with the switch to a new actress (maybe because she‘s not Hispanic anymore), I guess it’s just Biblegirl regardless of which identity she’s in now. Which means that even with the change to a new actor and character in Fight for Faith, Bibleman is the only one who rates a real name out of the whole trio. Classy.

[UnSub's Aside: Someone could read something into the fact the white male leading character gets a real name, but that his black male sidekick and possibly latino female sidekick get left with personality-reducing nicknames. Not me, of course, but someone could, if they wanted to...]

Miles takes a second out from this hilarity to say that he thinks it’s strange that nothing has happened for a while, almost like it’s the calm before the storm. Right on cue, the lights shut off all sinister-like, and a strobe begins flashing at them from somewhere offscreen. “See? I told you. Cypher, initialize all that Y2K, panic-induced emergency equipment we never used. We need to be alert, 1st Corinthians 16 says to stand firm in the faith, and be strong.” That’s funny, I thought it said to be alert, and stand firm in the faith. That’s what this show said, anyway. A second later Cypher has the lights back on. Biblegirl asks how Miles knew something creepy like that would happen. He did? I thought he just had a feeling. But apparently he did, because he replies, “I wrote it that way.” Ha ha, more self-deprecating humor. The laughs never stop when you’re watching Bibleman. If you’re laughing at the notion that they actually thought this drivel would be funny.

All right, hold up. Why did the lights go off in the Biblecave? Drool is supposed to be the mightiest Bibleman villain yet, and when he uses his full power against the Big B later, it’s so much that it overloads all their equipment back in the cave. But this? Is he so powerful that his video emails make them blow a fuse? Or when Willie wrote this, did he just want the atmospheric lighting and damn any explanation for why it happened? I’m bet a million bucks on the latter, any takers?

UNICE alerts the team to an incoming transmission, and they “maintain the vector lock” and type frantically at UNICE’s terminal to bring it in. Drool appears on UNICE’s monitor and introduces himself, and they suggest he shorten his title the same way LUCI did. It’s even the funnier the second time. If you take out “funny” and replace it with a word that means “makes you want to smash your head through the TV screen.”

Drool ignores this barb and tells them that he’s offering them a deal, “a business opportunity, if you will.” “I hope it’s not one of those multi-level marketing schemes, I’m really getting tired of those,” Miles glibly replies.

Drool tells Miles to meet him at the darkened warehouse, “you know the one” (how does Drool know Miles knows?) in one hour to accept his offer, which I think is to surrender to him in exchange for not destroying the city, but they’re pretty darn vague about it. Then again, it probably doesn’t matter, since we know Bibleman will never strike a bargain with the powers of evil. Still makes the writers look lazy, though.

Miles says he’s going out there to meet this Drool character, but Cypher and Biblegirl protest because he’s an unknown quantity and has chosen the time and place of their meeting, giving himself the advantage. Which, Miles replies, is exactly why he has to go, and for once, I’m with him. How else are they going to find out what Drool is capable of other than by confronting him? Observing and doing analysis while he blows up a packed church? And pardon my ignorance, but I don’t see how setting their meeting in an empty warehouse gives Drool an edge. Isn’t that preferable for them, actually, where there’s nobody else around who can get hurt when a fight inevitably breaks out? You’d think Drool’s choice of meeting place would give him an edge if it was someplace where he could reach into a crowd and grab a hostage if Bibleman started beating him or something like that.

Anyway, it’s time for Bibleman, and the others man the consoles while Miles enters the booth. They go through the standard procedure, except I notice with amusement that the Shield of Faith (his arm and leg armor) appears when the Breastplate of Righteousness does, then appears again when they actually get to the Shield of Faith part of the sequence. It’s the "Power Rangers" movie all over again.

We cut out, and a caption identifies the place as “The Darken Warehouse You Know the One,” the time as “Way Past Bedtime.” Ha ha, it wasn’t “the darkened warehouse,” it was “the Darken warehouse,” like the name of a company. Oh, my sides. These writers are seriously denying the world some grade-A humor by restricting themselves to a children’s video series.

It’s suddenly pitch dark out after looking to be the middle of the day at Eaglegate. That was an hour ago. Either it gets dark real, real fast in Oregon, or the camera crew got chased off the grounds when they tried to go back to do an evening shot of the mansion. We see Bibleman creeping along inside, Sword of the Spirit already drawn, when he comes upon a puddle of glowing green goop. “Drool,” he remarks. We never actually see Drool drooling this stuff or secreting it in anyway, so I’m not sure what it’s really supposed to be or why it’s included. Probably to show how evil is gross.

Just then a CGI ball of energy zips past his head and explodes. He makes his way deeper into the warehouse in search of Drool, who we see standing in a doorway, using a golf club like a microphone as he does another faux Sinatra bit that terminates into a faux Jerry Lewis bit. He then scampers out of shot in a very fey manner, only for Bibleman to enter a second later and look around to try to catch sight of his adversary. Another energy ball flies out of nowhere and strikes the wall just behind him again. Bibleman must not be terribly observant if he doesn’t turn to react to this phosphorescent glowing projectile until it explodes and misses his noggin by inches. Yeah, it’s added in post production, but it still doesn’t make the hero look that smart when he’s in a darkened building being stalked by a villain with powers he isn’t familiar with and is so inattentive he’s almost hit in the head by a bright purple energy ball. And it doesn’t help you not to notice when they do an instant replay in slow motion.

Entering the warehouse’s main room, Bibleman spends upwards of a minute wandering around before calling ollie-ollie-oxen free and demanding Drool show himself. He does, but not before two more energy balls come flying from off camera toward our scriptural superhero. But this time, our Bibledope is on the ball and bats them away with his light saber. Only took three times. What a great hero.

Drool asks if “Bib-lee man” is here to accept his offer, or do things the hard way. Bibleman predictably replies, “Joshua 24:15 says that as for me and my house, I will follow the Lord.” Because of course he can’t just say, “I’ll never surrender to the likes of you.” Not that I’d accept a deal from a guy who makes me an offer, tries to kill me multiple times, THEN asks what my answer is. Then again, maybe he doesn’t even know what Drool’s offer was. I sure don’t. Drool flings some more energy balls at Bibleman, then saunters casually away. Pursuing for six steps and then giving up - bet it makes you feel safe to see how dedicated servants of the Lord are, huh? - Bibleman checks in with his sidekicks. They say that the new armor is holding up well, and I’d like to know how they can tell since Bibleman didn’t take any hits.

They go on to remark that the energy level from Drool’s attacks is higher than any villains’ they’ve ever faced. I felt a lot less impact from this than I think they were going for, because by my count we saw Bibleman fight exactly three villains before having to contend with Primordious Drool, and only the Gossip Queen didn’t rely on a light saber for all of her offensive capabilities (I‘m not counting Dr. Decepto and Madame Glitz because nobody has any idea what their powers are). At any rate, Bibleman says he’s returning to Eaglegate, and that they’ll analyze the data they’ve come up with later. Shouldn’t you analyze it as soon as possible? You yourselves said he’s a whole new caliber of villain. Or more accurately, Bibleman said he’s “definitely no amateur.” How being powerful equates to being an expert, maybe YOU can tell ME.

At Stately Miles Manor the next morning, the team is hard at work going over the stuff they’ve learned from watching Bibleman’s “fight” with Drool. Biblegirl announces that his energy balls are made of a bunch of chemical compounds I’ll never be able to spell and blue cheese (for all the time Evangelists spend on TV whining for money, they evidently couldn‘t spring for closed captions. So much for bringing Jesus to the hearing impaired). “Of course!” Miles exclaims. “The hybrid chemicals, mixed with oxygenated saliva, would produce an explosion of incredible force!” If by “incredible force” you mean the boom of your average bundle of M-80’s, I guess so. “With that kind of power, this guy could cause panic and destruction on a massive scale!” Cypher puts in. So could an average guy with a semi-automatic rifle and a high vantage point. So what?

“We still don’t know how he intends to attack the city,” Biblegirl points. “Yes, but we have to continue to stand here and talk as if something really important were going on,” Miles replies as the others nod agreement. “That way we can place the footage in the hologram in the villain’s lair later on in the script. It’ll look awesome.” Somebody reeeeeeeeeeeally thought this self-deprecating humor was funny and it reeeeeeeeeeeally isn’t.

Indeed, we cut to Drool’s hideout where a scene of the goings on at the Biblecave is displayed in a crystal ball. I’m sure there’s absolutely no symbolism at all to how the villains use a crystal ball to see things from afar. “Right now that Bible Trio is out trying to defend the city from me,” Drool gloats, while the crystal clearly shows them standing around the Biblecave. Not noticing, he goes on, “Little do they know they should be defending the city from Bibleman himself!” LUCI asks if he’s cooked up a scheme to create an evil Bibleman duplicate, but Drool replies in the negative. “That plot’s been done to death!” Instead, he plans to make all of the local Christians place their faith in Bibleman, “instead of their oh-so called God.” Sooner or later he’s bound to disappoint them because he‘s only a fallible human being, thereby destroying the faith of this town. That is pretty nefarious for this show, I have to admit, which usually treats one kid forsaking their faith as a major victory for Evil, but frankly, when DOESN’T Bibleman handle everything? When someone is having spiritual trouble, a friend or relative’s first instinct is always to call Bibleman in to take care of it, not to pray to God for guidance. How could the people not depend on Bibleman to solve their problems already? A stage hand passes Drool his microphone thing (really) and he descends into another humorless faux Sinatra bit before the scene dissolves.

[UnSub: Did Jef Scott agree to be the new Bibleman villain only if he could practise his cabaret show mid-take? Cause that's what it feels like.]

We cut to a Biblelogue. UNICE tells us about the situation so far, which doesn’t say much about the crew’s faith in the intellectual capabilities of their audience, showing fictional newspaper front pages meant to enforce UNICE’s narration that Drool has gone on a rampage and the city is looking up to Bibleman to deliver them from evil (this is all we‘ll actually see of Drool‘s rampage, by the way). This is overlaid on footage of instances of real strife where we see tanks rolling around and people holding up a banner that reads “Freedom For Baltic States” that is nothing but an appallingly cheap and distasteful effort to make their own deal seem bigger.

Now back to footage actually shot for this movie. Bibleman is sitting in as a guest on a talk show hosted by a fellow named Sammy Davey (Jef Scott again). The people in the audience are pumping their fists in the air and chanting, “Sammy! Sammy!” in a manner I can say with confidence was definitely not meant to evoke the image of another infamous talk show host.

Sammy komically pronounces his guest’s name “Bibleman” like it’s a last name. He wastes no time, asking Big B, “What’s your problem?!” but then goes on to ask why he, a mighty superhero, can’t seem to do anything about Drool’s nefariously vague activities that are “engulfing” the city. Bibleman says it’s his job to protect the weak and stand up for what’s right, but ultimately the outcome of everything is up to God. Sammy asks if after everything he’s done, he’s saying that defending Our Fair City from Satan’s minions isn’t his responsibility. Bibleman replies that he said not to put faith in him, but to put faith in God. But that’s not what he said, he said that while he does stand against evil, the outcome of everything is up to God. Maybe it was time for him to get out of the fighting evil and saving lives biz if he can’t even remember what he said fifteen seconds ago.

“So you are admitting…that you’re a fraud!” Sammy fires off at Bibleman, which he kind of is. Since when does Bibleman trust God to handle things? For Pete’s sake Big B girds himself in armor and wields a light saber against villains. If the outcome of everything that occurs is up to God, a God that always metes out proper justice as Bibleman keeps reminding us, exactly what need does he think he’s filling by dressing up in tights? Why do we need Bibleman if God handles everything?

The crowd turns ugly and Bibleman has an expression of terror on his face as an 80-year-old woman lurches across the set toward his chair before a burly security guard moves in between and gently hustles her back to her seat. “They aren’t even listening to what he has to say!” Biblegirl says backstage. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to deliver his message on a sleazy talk show if he wanted people to listen. “Never underestimate the power of foolish people in large groups,” Cypher replies. Like the people who got together and decided to make a show called “Bibleman.” Big B tries to assure them that God is in control, but Sammy is more interested in finding out what the goofus in white tights is planning to do about Drool. “This is pointless!” Bibleman mutters as he rises and escorts himself out of the studio to a chorus of boos. Way to turn the other cheek, Biblequitter! I can tell you’re willing to stop at nothing to set a good example and spread God’s teachings! A hero worth following, indeed.

We cut to Drool’s lair, where he’s gloating at the success of his plan to turn the city against Bibleman, since he’s just a man and can never fulfill all their needs. LUCI adds that only one person could, although I have some complaints about that. Number one, is God a “person”? I mean, He’s a god, isn’t He? He created the universe and everything in it. Number two, is, well, Bibleman DOES fulfill everyone’s needs, and the only reason he can’t now is because they say he can’t. Like I said before, whenever a kid is having a crisis of faith, the people of this city turn not to God for direction, but Bibleman. In fact, saying that they appeal to him for direction is underselling it. They call him and say, “there‘s this person I know with a problem, fix it.” And he does. Bibleman, not Our Heavenly Father. Sure, sure, that’s who Bibleman is supposed to be working for, but then could we see a little more of God taking a hand in things, if that’s who we’re really supposed to be rooting for? Looking at this crummy series, with its less than frightening villains and less than awesome hero, it’s easy to get the idea that Bibleman wins more because his enemies are more incompetent than he is, and less because God is on his side.

Getting back to the “story,” Drool decides that with the people turned against Bibleman, the time has come for him to strike and wipe out the Bible-belcher once and for all. LUCI warns her boss that Bibleman’s faith is just too strong, but Drool replies that Bibleman has never faced his “full potential” and shoots a barrage of matted-in lightning from his hands to prove a point. What it was, your guess is as good as mine. I just noticed that Drool follows the trend of most of the show’s villains, having rotten teeth to show how being evil is poopy, but has normal teeth on the bottom. Great quality control guys. Then Drool starts to sing a song about how bad is good, but I’ll spare you.

Cut to the Biblecave, a caption making another self-referencing joke about how they need new establishing footage. Stop it, you’re killing me. Seriously.

Cypher can’t believe how the audience turned against Our Hero. Biblegirl asks why they didn’t listen to him. Well, I have a theory; maybe they weren’t Christian, and didn’t want to hear his double talk about God, they wanted to know what he was going to do about the super-powerful villain turning their town upside down. Come on, you’re just not gonna get me to believe that 100% of a whole city’s population is all of the same faith, not unless this city is supposed to be an American Mecca and they don’t even let you inside city limits unless you can prove you’re Evangelist. What with the non-Christian schoolmates Harleigh and Cypher had in "Bibleman: Lead Us Not Into Temptation", you have to doubt that.

Evidently ignorant that probably not everyone in the city, let alone world, believes in his God, Miles replies, “2nd Timothy 4 says that people will turn their ears away from the truth, and turn aside to myths instead. And then when things go wrong, they forget to go back to their first love. They forget to go back to God.” The Biblekids spit up some well-chewed exposition we’ve already heard about how putting your trust in other people can only lead to disappointment (how does that work for them, being superheroes who rely on each other for their lives in combat against Satan‘s minions?). Listen you guys, we already know that the villain wants people to trust in a man and not in God, and if the villain wants it we can assume it’s bad. Do you have to keep pounding us over the head with this? Are you afraid we’ll miss the point if we go ten seconds without having it rammed into our skulls again? Or are you just horrible writers who can’t think of anything to make this last the ordained forty minutes besides regurgitating your moral once again?

Miles wishes there was some way they could get people back on track. He says it’s “going to require a lot of prayer.” Oh I don’t know. You said yourself the outcome of everything is in God’s hands, Miles, and that He‘s got a plan for all of us. If this is all part of His plan, won’t He take care of it, whether or not you pray a lot? How does it work, you guys? The Bibleteam splits up to beg for God’s help.

Drool has LUCI send another transmission to Bibleman. This interrupts Miles’ prayers on how he can lead the people back to trusting in Him rather than him. If you stopped running off to blow the nose of everyone who sends you a message like that, you’d be off to a healthy start.

Drool taunts him some, saying that now the people have no one to guide them like the sheep they are, and bleats for emphasis. “Jesus said my sheep hear my voice and they will follow me, and Jesus will always be there to lead them. And I will be there to make sure they don’t forget who I serve,” Miles snaps back. Yeah, the people sure were eager to put their faith in the son of God to get through this Drool crisis, weren’t they? And that “people won’t forget who I serve” nonsense… I’m sorry, that’s just idiotic. Come on people, his name is Bibleman! The people who don’t make the connection from that alone aren’t likely to know who he serves anyway.

Miles has UNICE track Drool’s transmission, but the Bibleteam knows where the villain hideout is already. They’ve gone there in every episode since they started using that set. Or maybe I’m wrong, since UNICE reports that it came from the amusement park in sector 9 (later LUCI will call it sector 9 too. Why and how would both the good and bad guys use the same designations for places?). Miles tells UNICE to warm up the armor booth, he’s going Drool hunting. UNICE wonders if maybe he shouldn’t wait for Cypher and Biblegirl, what with how Drool is the most powerful villain they’ve ever faced. He shushes her, because “it has to happen this way.” Yes, even Bibleman must submit to the inviolable doctrine of IITS.

“Initialize full armor sequence, automated manual override,” Miles orders UNICE. Good thing the one gadget she doesn’t seem to have is an oxymoron alert. Miles armors up again, and again the Shield of Faith is there before it’s actually supposed to be there. Hell, I just noticed that you can see the chin piece of the helmet on in the breastplate section too. Nice job, Pamplin Entertainment. Honestly, if they can’t even do this right, why should I think they have the right way to enter God’s kingdom figured out?

UNICE asks again if Bibleman thinks this is a wise decision. Who cares about that? I thought they did what God wanted, not what was smart. He admits that this is going to be a tough battle with his script-imposed handicap, and tell UNICE that, if he fails to return, to initialize Revelation Code Omega, which will result in the Biblecave being deactivated and locked down… forever. See, originally Jesus Our Savior was released as a two-part episode, and this Revelation Code Omega malarky is the subplot that was supposed to keep us in suspense while waiting for part two.

So Bibleman’s going to face Drool all by himself. Um, WHY???! Isn’t one of the major tenets about being a good Christian having fellowship with other Christians, to better resist the forces of evil and stay firm in the faith? That’s what "Bibleman: A Light in the Darkness", the episode that comes after this one, seems to say. In "Bibleman: Lead Us Not Into Temptation" there’s a similar moral (at least, I think so. They were a bit dodgy on what point of the story was), where he tells us not to go solo, to work together in what we do to do it better. Like fighting an awesomely powerful villain, maybe. So what the hell kind of Christian is Bibleman if he cuts himself off from the fellowship of his friends and fellow defenders of the faith when he confronts an evil greater than any they’ve ever faced for what he hopes will be the last time? Nobody on the crew noticed that the actions of their big role model are in direct contradiction to how he tells us to act, for no other reason than because the script requires it? They sure never address it.

And building on that, it’s not bad enough that Bibleman’s acting like an idiot by going off alone, in both a common sense, um, sense and a defying his own postulates sense, but he’s denying his allies any chance to continue their work. I suppose I could be charitable and say Bibleman doesn’t want to expose his teammates to danger without him to lead them, but then that’s not very charitable because I got the idea they were on the team because God wanted them to be crusaders for His flock too. Bibleman kicking his sidekicks out forever if he alone loses doesn’t say anything good about his faith in God‘s judgment, and that is a bad sign when someone has the excuse for doing what they do that Bibleman does.

Moving past what kind of Christian this makes Bibleman, what kind of leader (as the show keeps stressing) does it make him? Any good superhero team, any good team at all, really, is founded on trust and confidence between members. Supposedly, Bibleman is readying Revelation Code Omega for activation if Drool defeats him because he doesn’t want the villain to gain access to the Biblecave’s secrets (why he thinks Drool would even touch them when the guy is the antithesis of every single method and belief Bibleman has, we‘re probably not supposed to think about). What this strongly indicates, however, is that he doesn’t trust Cypher and Biblegirl to defend the cave and carry on the fight without him. Some hero worth following. If you know anything about superheroes, can you imagine Professor X saying to the X-Men, “If I don’t come back from this fight with Magneto, disband and forget you were ever here. The dream is dead”? I can‘t, and that’s why Bibleman is the one getting mocked. Hell, what about real life heroes? Have blacks stopped fighting for their right to be treated like human beings with the death of figures like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, Jr.?

I can say without hesitation that this is the worst premise for a cliffhanger I’ve ever heard, that it would be in Bibleman doesn’t surprise me. They want to do something different without having any idea of how it should be done. They want to do a cliffhanger episode and gull darn it, that’s just what they’re gonna do, even if they can’t come up with a way to do it that makes sense and doesn’t make their hero look like a huge idiot and hypocrite.

Next scene, it’s the middle of the night, in an empty but still running carnival. Bibleman and Drool run around a little. The Biblekids wander into the cave and UNICE tells them Bibleman has gone to take on Drool all by himself. Sort of. She says, “Bibleman received a transmission from Primodrius Drool, and has gone to - ” You know, if Bibleman is so intent on fighting Drool all by himself, stupid as that is, shouldn't he have told UNICE not to tell the others where he's gone? Cypher tells her to locate their hypocritical dope of a leader.

Bibleman finally finds Drool, and there’s this hilariously inappropriate laser gun noise as he goes into his stance. Bibleman throws Phillipians 4:13 at him, and Drool throws some energy balls back. There’s more Kentucky fried dialogue about how even Christians give in to their fears and wants, which leads up to my and Crazy Bill’s favorite Bibleman line. “Jesus and Jesus alone will protect me and this city!”

So… what are you saying? Are you, Jesus, Bibleman? Is that why you came here to take on Drool all by yourself? Or is this just final, irrefutable proof that the people who write your lines have even less an idea of what you’re talking about than we do? Because if Jesus and Jesus alone will protect this city, you have to ask yourself, what do we have the Bibleteam for?

“UNICE, locate Bibleman!” Cypher orders. “There is intense energy anomalies [sic] indicating a fierce battle,” UNICE replies. I like how she’s being vague when she knows exactly where he went, and that he expected to battle a powerful energy-generating villain that they’ve supposedly fought several times already when he got there. And how while she says that, a window showing Bibleman’s battle with Drool is open on the screen.

Bibleman unleashes Isaiah 54:17, that no weapon formed against him will prosper, and says that “this battle belongs to the Lord.” Drool sees the loophole and rolls up his sleeves and lets fly his lightning attack, which begins to force Bibleman to give ground and ultimately knocks him on his Butt of Righteousness. “Alert! Alert! Bibleman in trouble!” UNICE cries as they observe this at the Biblecave. “Bibleman’s in trouble!” Cypher astutely observes. He is the brains behind the Bibleteam, after all. But gee guys, if Bibleman’s in trouble maybe you ought to armor up and go help him! This idea doesn’t come to them until Drool’s attack gets so intense it starts to short out the systems around the cave. Though it’s dangerous with the disruption to her mainframe (Things I Learned: Computers being short-circuited cough), UNICE initiates automated manual override for the others, and in their armor, they head out. I just had a thought: was Bibleman going out and getting his Biblical butt kicked supposed to be an example of how even he isn’t infallible? Because it didn’t make him look fallible, it made him look stupid and hypocritical.

The Biblekids arrive at the amusement park. Biblegirl suggests they split up to find their enemy, but Cypher gets the fellowship concept of Christianity and tells her they need to stick together. That, and they’re the sidekicks. If Drool flattened Bibleman, he’d have either of them for lunch. And by the way, that’s actually what he says, though maybe not in so many words. They creep around, eventually getting inside what looks like a storage building, when one of Drool’s energy balls almost makes Cypher’s head go boom. “Defensive perimeter!” Cypher yells. As I believe Ken Begg once said, you can’t make a perimeter with two guys, and that’s not what they do anyway. They run down a hall and crouch behind junk for cover. Here’s a pretty good bit. As Biglegirl and Cypher run down the hall, we see Drool’s energy balls flying from in front of them as they run toward the camera. But when Drool himself enters the shot, it’s from the same entrance Biblegirl and Cypher used, in the back, behind them, so how did he get his shots to come from the other direction entirely? He truly is an awesome villain. Or maybe he’s realized by an inept special effects crew.

After shooting at them some more and missing, Cypher takes command. The Biblekids charge up their force fields (since when do they have force fields? Since the writers thought it would be cool) as Drool attacks again, reflecting his own energy so he disintegrates into a hole that suddenly appears above him. See? The sidekicks (I'm sorry, I mean "hero support") beat the guy who beat Bibleman, even if they don‘t know what “perimeter” means. He shouldn’t be kicking them out of the fight, should he? By the way, according to the box, Cypher and Biblegirl “come to [Bibleman’s] aid in the action packed finale.” Instead, we’re at about the halfway mark. Not only is their series crap, even the video box summaries are crap.

Drool disposed of for now, Biblegirl gets all girly and almost giggles, “Where, tell me where!” when Cypher says he thinks he knows where Bibleman is. “The only other location we can afford,” Cypher relies in another self-deprecating joke. The kids run off to rescue Bibloser, so I guess that means they know where the villain hideout is after all. After that we get a brief bumper sequence where Drool is flying through space, his hair on fire and smoking. Too many science lessons taken from Superfriends.

We return to our story, already in progress, with an establishing shot of the mansion and a caption that reads, “Eaglegate Manor, next day. Do these guys ever sleep?” So they’re aware of some of the things in the script that seem unbelievable, I’ll give them that, but then you have to wonder why they don’t spiff it up some.

Miles is trying to assure the Biblekids that his armor did everything it was supposed to even though it ultimately wasn’t enough to keep Drool from mopping the fairground with him. He explains it was built on the principles from the book of Ephesians, “Remember, armor is there to help protect us. The Bible never says it makes us invulnerable.” Uh, I don’t know, Mr. Peterson. The idea I got from Ephesians was the Full of Armor of God would protect you against all the tools of the Devil, but an indestructible hero would make for a pretty uneven show. Anyway, he concludes saying that faith carried him through after his armor gave out.

We launch into more exposition, as they say they need to anticipate Drool’s next move, but public opinion has only worsened with Bibleman’s disappearance what with the time he took to recover from being battered by Drool and repair his armor. Now wait just a bloomin’ minute Bibletwerps. This is the day after you took out Drool, isn’t it? That’s what the caption said. Yet they’re saying it’s been a while since then, what with public opinion noticeably getting worse, needing to spend time fixing the Full Armor of God, and “about a million” hate emails piling up in Drool’s inbox. This proves it; the people who write the captions do so without even glancing at the script. Screw you, Bibleman team. If you want to tell me how to live, put some effort into it.

Miles tries to tell the kids to cut the people some slack as they’re only human, and then undergoes a light bulb moment. “Jumpin’ horny toads in a spandex tutu!” he exclaims. “It all makes sense now! This is mumble, this is despicable, this is outrageous!” He orders UNICE to play back a bunch of scenes with Drool to illustrate how he’s realized what the villain’s plan was. She plays back the “will you surrender,” “Joshua 24:15” scene, and then plays back one where he banters with Bibleman at the amusement park about how even Christians listen to rumors and fears and turn their backs on each other. The Biblekids still don’t get it, so that Miles can waste even more time explaining it all to them. This has about as much point as it did in "Divided We Fall"; the heroes spend a bunch of time figuring the villain‘s plan out, but Drool‘s scheme to displace the people’s faith onto Bibleman is over by now, and even before he knew what Drool was up to Bibleman was telling people to trust in God and not in him. In other words, from a objective standpoint it makes no difference at all if the Bibleteam figures out Drool’s plan. The crew’s just using this scene to eat up another five minutes they’d have to spend trying to entertain us otherwise. That’s heartening.

Biblegirl doesn’t get it, and she’s probably not helped much when Miles waves his hands around like he’s trying to swat a flock of mosquitoes and babbles, “It’s crazy, man! It’s a mystery wrapped up in an enigma! Come on, people! We’re through the looking glass here!” I totally want to throw my support behind this guy. Miles goes on that they’ve been fighting against themselves, and Cypher asks how.

“Aincha been a-listenin’, lad?” Miles komically asks. Why do you think he’s so confused? Miles explains that every time they stop one of Drool’s attacks, the people rely more on the Bibleteam for protection, which again makes you wonder why this is only now becoming an issue if they’ve been fighting sinful villains for years, although I have noticed Bibleman has this awful habit of not telling anybody about the super villains running amok in his city. Maybe a scenario like Drool’s plan is exactly why he avoided ever doing that, but abundant evidence throughout the series indicates such subtle forces such as “poor scripting” and “rock stupidity” might be to blame instead. Anyway, they figure out Drool’s sinister scheme, even though there’s no point, and after some more exposition and lame gags, this scene finally ends.

We cut to the Bibleteam in prayer, in full armor for some reason, Bibleman saying, “Lord Jesus, in your word, you tell us that where two or more are gathered in your name, there you will be also.” Sounds to me like he’s realized how stupid it was of him to go off by himself. Yeah, take on the most powerful villain yet all by myself… what the hell was I thinking, right?! They pray for guidance and protection as they go into battle, and something about them praying for aid in scripted ordeals kind of bothered me about this scene. Their session concluded, they do that thing superheroes do where they all put their hands on top of each others’ to symbolize their unity (which, as we’ll see, is still pretty weak) and head out to kick some primordial butt.

Which is sort of impressive from one point of view, but really sloppy and contrived from another, as just then Drool makes it back to earth. How would the Bibleteamn know that he’s now back for them to go after, or soon would be? Well, they know they’re in a TV show. They must’ve read the script. Then why’d they waste all that time piecing together Drool’s plan?

AnYway… we cut the villain lair, and someone drops a mannequin in the back of the shot and Drool stands up right in front of the camera a split second later in a bit of knee-slapping hilarity which matches the rest of the series’ humor pound for pound. LUCI makes some jokes about how he could’ve taken the stairs and how his agent called, then tells him the Bibledopes have figured out his plan. “If I were them, and I’m glad I’m not, I’d be figuring out exactly how to put us out of business.” Aren’t the Bibleteamers trying to put them out of business anyway? Drool doesn’t hear her, however, caught in finally getting a call from his agent, until LUCI butts in, “Hades to Drool!” Hades? What does he have to do with anything? Shouldn’t they say what they mean? Again, are “Satan” and “hell” really “bad words” to the target audience of this show?

[UnSub: A word of advice to Mr Scott: if your agent is calling you about some non-Bibleman work, I'd take the call. But that's just me.]

LUCI alerts him (again) that the Bibleteam is armored up and looking for a fight. Actually, that’s only partly true, since only Bibleman and Cypher are creeping around looking for the villain, Biblegirl is apparently back in the cave helping UNICE run perimeter scans or whatever indecipherable piece of techno nonsense they thought would explain it. So why was she in her armor with the others if she wasn‘t going?

Drool tells LUCI to do something. “Like what, release the flying monkeys?” she says incredulously. Maybe not them, but how about some of those laser-shooting remote spaceships that we saw back in "Breaking the Bonds of Disobedience"? Instead, Drool says he’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse, and descends into some more faux Jerry Lewis jabbering. What an awe-inspiring presence.

We cut to Bibleman and Cypher topside, who confirm that Biblegirl and UNICE are on surveillance duty through a bunch of techno jabbering I refuse to even try to recreate [UnSub: nice to see these heroes have down the equivalent of leaving the woman in the kitchen] as Cypher looks at some kind of portal computer he’s carrying. “We know that Drool will be here, so we have to be careful,” Bibleman advises his partner. “He’s capable of generating an incredible amount of energy (HK: which they both not only already know but have both seen firsthand), which means until we have time to reconfigure your armor, you’re much more susceptible than I am.” Why did they not take the time to reconfigure Cypher’s gear so he’d be protected too, then? Is there some reason why they have to challenge Drool right now? Well, yes there is. There’s only a few minutes left in the movie. And with this being the final battle, it’s a weird thing to say, “until we have time to reconfigure your armor.” Do they plan to do that out here in the amusement park?

Earning Cypher a Darwin Award nomination, he banters at Bibleman so much about having to work together, neither of them realizes Drool is right behind them until he almost nails them with an energy ball. Even though they said they’ll only be able to stand up to Drool as a team, the two idiots run off in different directions as they head for cover.

Taking advantage of a break in Drool’s barrage, Bibleman speaks into his wrist communicator thinger, “UNICE, link my transmission with Cypher’s external remedial transmission monitor… external… techno thingy!” I knew it, even they don’t know what that crap means. I think he’s talking about Cypher’s Gameboy Advance. Really, that’s the gizmo he’s carrying looks like. Having established contact, Bibleman reiterates to Cypher that they need to stick together or they “could be in big trouble.” Then maybe you shouldn’t have let him run off in a different direction in the first place, Hypocrisyman. For some reason I hear someone saying, “Sidewinder, back to you Sidewinder” as Cypher hears the transmission.

Bibleman decides to reveal himself and steps out from behind cover, batting Drool’s energy balls away with his light saber. Drool scoffs at Bibleman’s efforts, but he responds, “1st John 5:4 says that whoever is a child of God has won the battle against the world, and that our faith has won the battle for us.”

By the way, this is my all time favorite Bibleman sequence. Before, when Bibleman and Cypher were crouched in hiding as Drool was throwing energy balls at them, we could see explosions going off nearby the two good guys from his missed shots. Well, as Cypher is talking into his communicator now, explosions are still going off nearby him. Which means that since Drool is now focusing all of his attention on Bibleman and throwing energy balls specifically at him, and Bibleman is knocking them all away with his sword, Bibleman must be knocking those energy balls toward his own sidekick! I need to correct Nathan Shumate about his assessment of our hero: Bibleman is not lame, he is the worst role model ever devised by man. AND I AM A CHRISTIAN!

Cypher gets directions from UNICE on where they need to go to surround Drool, who then cuts out from his standoff with Bibleman. Cypher relays the coordinates to his boss, but since Drool has run off to who knows where, what good are they now? Heedless of this, Cypher says that by doing so they’ll set up a perimeter, which again two guys cannot do. If Biblegirl had come too that’d be another story, but I guess it would’ve been too much work for the crew keeping track of four people.

Cypher sneaks along, looking around to try to keep Drool from sneaking up on him, finally showing some intelligence. Suddenly, Drool appears and immobilizes Bibleboy with his lightning attack. Despite the agonizing power coursing through his body, Cypher manages to gasp out, “Psalm 59:1, God, save me from my enemies! Keep me safe from those who rise against me! Save me from those who do evil!” Not exactly how I’d phrase a request for salvation in those circumstances, but I‘m not empowered by the Lord to kick hellish nerd butt like these guys. Fortunately, salvation is at hand, because the end of the movie is too, and Cypher makes a motion with his head and we hear Bibleman call out, “Primordius!” Hmmm, they’re as tactically formidable as they are loyal to God, totally blowing the element of surprise like that.

Bibleman is standing on top of a scaffolding a couple feet to Cypher‘s left (I thought they were trying to surround Drool, but when Bibleman jumps down he stands right next to Cypher), suddenly toting two Swords of the Spirit. I have no idea where the other one came from, though I suspect the crew just thought it would look cool if Bibleman had two of them, and thus the decision was made. He jumps the twenty feet or so to the ground and swats away yet more energy balls, since if Drool used his lightning attack on Bibleman too he’d win. Bibleman blocks an energy ball on both swords at once, which somehow frees Cypher. “You will never be able to separate us!” Bibleman says with defiance to his enemy. And really, Drool doesn’t need to. Bibleman’s proven more than capable of separating from his allies himself, and what’s worse, the crew doesn’t even seem to realize it. After Bibleman throws a passage about teamwork at Drool (but strangely doesn’t tell us the chapter and verse, and again why is he only thinking of the value of that now?) and Drool threatens that they haven’t seen the last of him, they deflect another of his attacks back at him and again Drool is disintegrated.

All right class, let’s review. The only way the Bibleteam was able to beat Primordius Drool, the most powerful villain they‘ve yet faced, was to use teamwork. Yet Bibleman, knowing full well how powerful he was, ran off to take him on all alone and was prepared to lock down the Biblecave forever, leaving no one who was equipped to take on Drool, and later let himself and his partner be separated when they headed out to have this decisive battle. I’m sure it was meant to make Bibleman look like a cautious and compassionate leader, but instead it made him look like one stupid hombre.

Bibleman congratulates Cypher, but says they have much more important work to do, and the zeroes head out. I don’t know why the danger has passed, since Drool came back once already and their many battles with Luxor would give the idea that Drool’s probably capable of doing it many more times yet (and in a sense he is. We‘ll get to that), but it’s the end of the movie, so it’s not their problem ‘til next time.

Back at the cave, UNICE says she’s glad to see them all back safe, even though Biblegirl presumably never left. Miles reiterates that the people need to be reminded that only God can answer their prayers. Well, it worked so well last time, why not? Then it fades to black, and Bibleman comes out and starts to tell us the moral of today’s…wait a minute… What??? That’s the end? Of the director’s cut?? It wasn’t even the end on the edited to death TV version! Pamplin Entertainment, you guys have no idea what you’re doing! Zero! Nada! Nothing! Director’s Cut means everything is left in! And come to think of it, 67 minutes is a pretty slim runtime for a two-part episode in a series where the lifespan of an average one is 40. Makes me wonder how much else was left out. Since it isn’t the end, I will continue to suffer by switching over to my taped version for the remainder. I hope you’re happy.

Miles plans to have Cypher put on a performance of his new song to draw in the local Christians, but before he does, Bibleman will tell the assemblage the truth about who deserves their trust. Cypher and Biblegirl say they’re in, and even UNICE says she’d go, if she had legs, in not quite the weakest joke yet, but close. Besides, she’s got a remote spaceship thing just like LUCI. Since the second episode she was in. She could go.

[UnSub: UNICE doesn't want to - she's just being nice.]

We see an establishing shot of a church, and we then see a surprisingly large turnout as Bibleman takes the stage, considering how much the people are supposed to hate him right now. Or did nobody mention that he’d be speaking before Cypher’s performance? That sounds dishonest to me, so it’s a pretty dumb scene no matter how you slice it.

Bibleman tells them what he’s constantly been telling us, that he’s just a man. He can’t fill all their needs, only God can, and even though nobody listened before, everyone does now, par for the course since the movie‘s over. He goes backstage and drops some hints to his sidekicks that it may be time to hang up his tights, although that time won’t actually come until after two more episodes. Then the Biblekids take the stage, and they might have actually had Cypher performing a song, but since I’ve spent enough time and money on this already, I’m not bothering to track down yet another version just to find that out.

It’s then back to the Biblecave for the wrap up, where Miles is glad at how well everything has turned out. “I’m glad I didn’t have to initialize Revelation Code Alpha Omega,” UNICE says with electronic relief, and proving that not only can the writers not come up with techno babble that doesn’t sound like complete gobbledygook, they can’t even be bothered to make the gobbledygook they do produce consistent. And boy, that Revelation Code whatchamacallit subplot sure had us on the edge of our seats, huh? Until the production team all forgot about it thirty seconds later.

Suddenly Miles gets what appears to be a pleasant surprise, as a person enters the cave that he believes to be Coats, not seen since they trounced Dr. Fear. Not surprisingly, the figure doesn’t speak and we only see them from the back so we can’t tell that the intruder is not actually played by Marc Wayne. Suddenly “Coats” raises a laser pistol and begins taking potshots at Miles, as the picture freezes and an overlay reading, “Oh no! Not again! (HK: This never happened before, btw) To be continued…” In case you care, it wasn’t actually Coats, but a robot built to look like him built by Wacky Protestor, Drool’s new identity. Personally, I didn’t care, and was relieved to finally see this horrendous thing end.

[UnSub: That fake Coats thing sounds like the most brillaint thing ever done by a Bibleman villain. Typically, it is in the last 30 seconds of an episode, so not developed.]

And finally I let myself watch the end credits, noting with amusement that the martial arts coordinator was Jonathan “Joon” Lee. Not that martial arts have ever been on display in Bibleman. Well, this awful thing is finally behind me. Don’t ever watch it, and don’t ever expose your kids to it. You’ll be doing them a big favor.

[UnSub: Final note of mine - where does Jesus actually come into these episodes and who does he save? I'm not expecting Jesus to literally appear on screen, swoop down ala Tarzan and grab Bibleman an instant before he's run over by Drool, for instance, but He barely appears even as a passing reference. All in all, these episodes would have been better called "Teamwork, Our Saviour" or "Male Bonding, Our Saviour" since the Son of God is a fairly big no show.]

The problem when superhero shows try to do something bigger than the norm is that you can usually see with even greater clarity all the things wrong with it. So it was with the "Power Rangers" movie, and so it was with the biggest Bibleman adventure to date.

There’s many smaller things, like the cliffhanger device that’s forgotten as soon as Miles leaves the Biblecave or thinking that repeatedly reminding us the characters know they‘re in a TV show is funny, but for me what really hurt the movie was how they’re trying to show that the Bibleteam are now fighting villains who are in a completely different league than the ones they fought before, something they don’t have either the talent or budget to suggest. That’s not to say I’m saying they shouldn’t try to make things more epic after years of the same old thing, but what I am saying is they shouldn’t just tell us to take their word for it that Satan’s getting serious about removing Bibleman and his hindering influence. What evidence do we get that Drool is a threat the like of which Bibleman has never seen before? Does he deal Bibleman a crushing defeat in their first encounter with the assurance that more will come if he doesn’t butt out? Does he capture the Bibleteam and force them to watch while he burns down a church during mass?

No, we get a newspaper montage that tries to imply he’s terrorizing the city and he defeats Bibleman only after Our Wise and Powerful Defender handicaps himself for no reason other than because the script says he does. Take our word for it, this guy puts the ug in ugly. No, sorry, show me. That only makes you look lazy, and that’s not something you want to look like when you’re telling people what to believe about a higher power. They don’t expend any extra effort or capital creating a more epic or harrowing story, they just make one that’s twice as long. And believe me, if there’s one thing a Bibleman adventure should not do to distinguish itself, it’s last twice as long.

There isn’t much else to say about my dislike of "Jesus Our Savior" that I haven’t written volumes about above already. It’s the most stupid, poorly-conceived, pretentious example of a stupid, poorly-conceived, pretentious series. It has no redeeming value, not by having a “hero worth following,” or by teaching children how to follow the celestial glory that is Our Father in Heaven. The lesson of the story was not to put your faith in Bibleman. After watching this, that’s never been easier to do.

Bibleman is an original creation, so has no direct comic-related source. How well it shows the teachings of the Bible... well, that's up for you to decide.

"Bibleman: Jesus Our Saviour" is good for a hard, merciless night of MSTing. Nothing else.

I can’t think of a single thing in "Jesus Our Savior" that works right. The Revelation Code Omega subplot, Bibleman completely throwing his lessons of togetherness out in the window just in the name of doing a two-part story, the whole town being willing to listen to Bibleman when they’re supposed to all distrust him, and all the self-referencing jokes and many other bits add up to the most Funktastic Bibleman episode ever.

Date of review: 24 January 2006